A few nights ago, I was stretching on my yoga mat to wind down from the day. As I felt great relief from the physical pulls on my stiff muscles, I also noticed an emotional tug on my heart.
I was afraid.
I was frustrated.
I was angry and resentful.
My mastermind launch wasn’t going the way that I hoped. I felt denied and caged. I felt limited and defensive. And as I acknowledged these feelings within myself, another thought-line started barreling through my head.
It’s not enough.
No matter what you do, it’ll never be enough. No matter how hard you work or how much you give, it will never be enough.
Because you’ll never be enough.
When we have recurring thoughts around “enoughness” (i.e. it’ll never be enough, there’s never enough money, never enough time/energy/clients, etc) it’s a reflection of our inner belief that we aren’t enough.
My Healing Story on Failure
(at least a small slice of it)
The belief that I’m not enough is on that I’m always releasing and version of myself who I’m always healing. I’ve shared openly about it on Instagram in the past.
To be honest, when this came up again, I was even more frustrated. I was resentful that this sucker keeps rearing its ugly head and limiting me.
But I cried (cried and cried and cried some more), I decided to put pen to paper and start journaling.
Because I knew that there was a part of me who desperately wanted to be seen, heard, and love. And to honor her, I chose to accept and allow this experience.
In this journaling experience, I saw a Great Mother. This Mother wasn’t the usual nurturing, kind, and loving presence that I wished I could have encountered. Instead, this Mother was a void – an earthly black hole.
As cavernous monster, consuming anything in her path, this Mother was never satiated. She was always hungry for more.
I saw children as small, bright lights desperately trying to flee their fate. But also willing to sacrifice themselves in a somber attempt to satiate the Mother’s appetite.
(You don’t have to be an English major to figure out what comes next.)
Then I saw her. My younger self.
The younger self who grew up in an emotionally scarce environment. The younger self who believes that there is never enough attention or love for her.
Who believes that she needs to silence her needs in order to honor other’s. Who believes that her value comes from filling other people’s voids.
That version of me.
Who believes that it’ll never be enough. That I can never do enough because in the end, I’ll still be eaten alive.
And you better believe that I sent her SO.MUCH.LOVE. I thanked her for showing herself to me even though everything she knows says to do otherwise. I thanked her for trying to protect me from my own success. Because according to her, there’s no point. We’ll all be consumed in the end.
I thanked myself for showing up for her and for committing to a life of healing and expansion. And here I am. Sharing this experience with you. In all my raw, imperfect glory.
And admitting that sometimes, I feel like a monumental f*cking failure…as a business owner, coach, wife, friend, daughter, and human being. Sometimes, I feel like I have failed everyone and everything in my life – myself included.
But you know what these feelings of failure are? If we let them be?
Opportunities to heal.
Powerful opportunities to look ourselves in the mirror and say “I love you no matter f*cking what.”
Because what’s the point of self love if it’s only present in the good times? Honestly, I wouldn’t even call it self love because loving yourself means you love yourself unconditionally.
Regardless of how the launch goes, how many dollars are in your bank account, if you pissed someone off, if you didn’t show up, if you did show up, or however you feel.
I love, forgive, and accept myself.
How do you deal when you’re feeling like a monumental failure as a business owner? These are my
Sit With The Feeling of Failure
Ok, I know this isn’t the most glamorous thing to do. Especially when you’re feeling so f*cking uncomfortable and miserable. But sitting with your experience is the first step to understanding it.
Remember, you are not your thoughts and feelings. You are the experiencer of your thoughts and feelings.
These feelings are here to guide you. They have a message to share (if you’ll let them).
So, get into as comfortable position as you can, close your eyes, and feel through the sh*t.
Where do you feel the tightness and tension in your body? Where do you want to jump out of your own skin? Where do you feel pain and discomfort?
For me, it’s almost always in my chest. I feel the tightness in my chest and weight in my heart. And as I feel the tightness, it’s that part of me wanting to close. But my job (as a self healer and conscious human) is to love that part of me even as it wants to close and hide itself from the world.
Based on where you feel the pain in your body, you’ll be able to better diagnose the true reason you’re feeling like a failure (according to the seven chakras). This is unique to everyone and the wounds that are most prevalent in your life.
For example, if it’s in your throat, there’s something happening around speaking, sharing your voice, and being heard. Or your solar plexus means there’s something happening around your power. Which is very common in this type of situation because feeling like a failure is by its nature dis-empowering. You’re giving your power to the outside circumstances.
What’s happening in your body? And how can you send love to that part of you?
Journal it Out
I always, always, always recommend journaling. Especially when you’re in the emotional thick of it because you’re more open and it’ll be easier to access the subconscious mind.
Journaling is a great tool because you get to literally see what’s going on inside of you and what beliefs you’re storing. It also allows you to document your experience. A year from now, you can look at those pages and you’ll be amazed at how much you’ve grown. Thanks to the “year ago you” for committing to this life of healing and rising.
To “do” the journaling, I always go with stream of consciousness. Start with whatever first comes to my head and write, write, write until I can’t write anymore.
Journaling is like grappling down into a canyon. It doesn’t really matter where you start because you’re going to end up in the canyon anyway. You’re starting point is simply an anchor to get to you going.
But, if being open and trusting the journaling process is too intimidating (I get you. And also, we should have a chat about trust, my love), here are a few journaling prompts to get you started:
➳ If I were to sit down and have a meal with this feeling of failure, what would it say to me? What would I say to it?
➳ Which part of me is feeling like a failure right now? What does she need and how can I better love her?
➳ What does failure mean to me? How can I reframe my perspective on “failure” to something that will allow me to be in my power?
➳ What am I “looking for” from my success? (ex. security, power, feeling loved, etc) How can I start to give that to myself regardless of the current situation?
Thank you for this experience for you to heal and love yourself more.
Let Yourself Be Supported
I used to have a habit of assuming other people’s limitations. Like thinking my non-spiritual friends couldn’t support me in the way that I needed or that my emotional messiness would be too much for my husband (and he’d resent me for it as part of my parent’s dynamic).
I believe that it’s a defense mechanism that I use to protect myself from being rejected when I feel less than perfect. For those times that I know I can’t hold space for another person and fear that means I don’t have value to them.
But when I release those assumptions, I’m always amazed at how my people show the f*ck for me. My non-spiritual friends connect with and hold me in my tenderness and frustration. My husband is so grateful for the opportunity to step up as the hero and embody his masculine strength to hold me (physically and energetically) in my messiness. My incredible network of other entrepreneurs are so generous to support me because they truly do love me and believe in the work that I do.
I know that allowing yourself to be supported can be a scary thing to do. Trust me, I’m always working on it.
But your capacity to receive support shows up in your ability to book clients, show up consistently, receive money, and more. If you can’t receive support, you’re limiting your ability to give.
And the world needs you.
It needs your work, your light, and your mission. It needs you to be supported so you can show up as the best, brightest, and most impactful version of you. Let yourself be supported, held, and seen in the experience of feeling like a failure.
Share Your Healing
One of my missions on earth is to destigmatize wounds and the process of healing them.
We all have wounds and that doesn’t mean that we’re broken. It’s a part of being human. And a part of being a conscious human is healing those wounds.
Additionally, hearing the healing stories of others helps us in healing ourselves. Witnessing the transformation of other conscious women on the rise is one of the best things that you can do for yourself. And it’s exactly why I started the Legacy Sisters Mastermind.
For your personal benefit, sharing your healing experience gives you practice in showing up and being seen – even when you’re feeling like a failure and a total mess.
As I mentioned above, you’ll be amazed at how people can show up for you and your vulnerability. And if there are people who aren’t able to do that, it gives you an opportunity to love yourself even deeper.
You were not made to lock yourself away and hide you and your gifts from the world. You’re here to make a difference.
Share your humanness, your experience, and your healing. And you’ll be amazed to see the love and abundance that flows to you in return.