There’s only ONE person on planet earth who will be with you from the day you’re born and until the day that you die. You guessed it. It’s YOU. And today, we’re going to chat all about how you can have a the perfect self date so you can deepen your self love.
Yes, we spend, a lot of time with ourselves…as in, every waking moment.
Yet, so many of us run around, hustling from task to task, going from day to day without treating this human with love and devotion.
Sure, you take incredible care of the people in your life. You’re immensely thoughtful, caring, and giving when it comes to your friends, family, clients, and Starbucks barista.
But do you care for yourself like you do for those all around you?
You were given this one precious life as the incredible human being you are today. I believe that it’s our life’s work and responsibility to love, honor, and cherish this beautiful person our soul has embodied. Because self love heals all.
And when a woman is tapped in, turned on, and wildly in love with all of who she is, she gives back to the world one-thousand-fold.Melanie st. clair
The Golden Age of Self Love
You and I both know that running yourself ragged is not a sustainable option. I believe that we are in an incredibly transformational time where we are redefining what it means to be a woman.
We’re opening the floodgates to welcome women of all kinds and definitions back home to the motherland of the Divine Feminine.
We’re breaking free from and releasing limits defined by a patriarchal culture that damages both men, women, and all in between.
We’re showing the world what it means to be a mother, woman, leader, partner, and divine being in the way that makes us feel most connected and alive.
We’ve seen that it’s no longer societally viable for women to remain silenced, disconnected from desire, and running ragged with our own wants and needs flapping in the wind.
No, it’s time for us to rise as the divine beings, light workers, and change makers that we are. And we can only give and create change in the world if we are receiving abundantly – inside and out.
So, how do you start to develop a relationship with self and actually treat yourself like you’re the most important person in your life (because you are) when we’ve got social, cultural, familial programming and more telling you that you should do everything BUT radically, wildly, and deeply love yourself?
Introducing: the self date.
What is a Self Date?
In any relationship, it takes time, commitment, dedication, and devotion to develop deep love. And of course, our relationship with ourselves is no different.
We’re used to running through life in a reactive state (reacting to external stimuli) and not consciously acting with intention. We’ve numbed our connection with self as we focus on putting out fires, the daily grind, meeting deadlines, and making sure that everyone else is good and taken care of.
Which is exactly why so many of my clients start our work with “I don’t know” as their favorite answer when I ask them what they want and need. That and we aren’t used to sharing our dreams, visions, and desires in a container that can fully hold and accept them.
What do you want from your business and your life?
I don’t know.
What do you need to be the most connected and alive version of you right now?
I don’t know.
What do you need from the Universe to support you?
I don’t know.
So, to develop a deeper connection with yourself and (thus your wants, needs, and desires), I always recommend taking the time to be with yourself.
Be with yourself with the intention of
- getting to know yourself
- practice taking care of yourself
- and loving yourself
Without the distractions of daily tasks, work, and everyone/anyone else.
A self date is intentional time with you and time for you to deepen your connection with self and love for who you are.
Below are my top tips for how to plan and have the perfect self date to deepen your self love.
How to Plan the Perfect Self Date
SET A TIME
Like any date, you need a time to meet with your beloved (who in this case, is beloved you). Schedule a specific time during the week to have your self date. This self date will only happen if you prioritize and schedule the time for it. Put in your calendar as busy and commit to showing up for yourself.
DECIDE ON A PLACE + ACTIVITY
The more that you put intention and love into planning and creating your self date, the more impactful it will be. How good does it feel when someone takes time to create something truly loving for you? Your self date is your opportunity to practice giving this to yourself (and not always needing the external validation from others to prove that you’re worthy of it).
Where would you like to go for your date? What would you like to do? Incorporate your love language(s). If you’re feeling stuck on what to do, ask your inner voice what you need right now to be nourished and whole. What does your inner child need? Your inner Aphrodite? How can you nurture your mind, body, and soul?
Whatever your activity is, make sure it will refresh you and it’s something that you’ll genuinely love. You don’t need to judge or overthink this desire either. Trust that your inner wisdom already knows exactly what you need.
All that matters is that the activity is something for YOU.
MAKE NECESSARY ARRANGEMENTS
If your self date requires any reservations or appointments, be sure to make those ahead of time. Put everything in place to create exactly the space and experience that you crave and desire. And with each appointment set and arrangement made, express gratitude that you get to create this divine space for yourself.
How to Have the Perfect Self Date
SHOW UP FOR YOURSELF
Ok, this one is a bit obvious. But you have to actually show up in order to have your date. Don’t stand yourself up!
If something comes up and you need to cancel, reschedule with yourself. Don’t indefinitely put off your date saying you can do it sometime next week. Without scheduled time, it’ll never happen.
Set the intention to show up when you plan or reschedule until you do. You can also share your plans and intentions with friends who are also on the self love journey to hold you accountable for showing up for yourself.
As much as you need to physically show up for your date, you also need to be mentally and emotionally present. If you’re sitting there scrolling through Facebook the whole time or worrying about your grocery shopping for the week, you’re not going to find the experience refreshing and meaningful.
I know you certainly wouldn’t do this on a date with someone else. So you should extend the same courtesy to yourself! You deserve it.
Set an intention at the beginning of your date and come back to it when you feel your mind wandering. Be mindful of the experience. You’ll get so much more meaning from your date if you’re present and thoughtful. If possible, I highly recommend turning your phone off or at the least avoiding social media and texting/calling anyone you don’t have to.
REFLECT AND PROCESS
After you get back from your self-date, reflect on the experience. I love to journal as a means of reflecting and processing.
This reflection is here to help you digest the experience as you would after a big meal. Without reflection, you don’t fully process the experience and it blocks you from receiving more.
What did you learn about yourself? What are you acknowledging and celebrating yourself for?
What about this self date went well? What would you love to change/shift/tweak for next time?
Then, schedule a time for your next one.