If you’re anything like me, one of the reasons that you started your online business was so that you could deal with “people” less.
Whether you’re an extrovert or introvert, there are definitely perks to the level of social interaction that can come with online entrepreneurship.
Firstly, you get to be more selective of who you work with and surround yourself with. You aren’t throwing yourself into a pool of co-workers and praying they’re capable, nice, and hopefully a little funny. You get to be the specific curator of your social experience whether it be your clients, peers, employees, and the people you follow on the ‘gram.
Or there might be some days where you just don’t want to deal with people and hiding behind a screen, chugging away at your work with The Office playing in the background is just what you need.
Oh yeah. Netflix and chiiiiilll…by myself all day because even as an extrovert, #alonetime is awesome.
Yes, being your own boss (in your pajama pants) is pretty damn cool.
But even with the perks of being an online entrepreneur, there’s only so long that we can lone wolf the whole “running an online business” thing or “living life as a fully expressed human” thing.
At some point, we NEED other people. Whether it’s hiring a contractor, booking your next client, networking for referrals and industry cred, or to remember that you aren’t alone in your entrepreneurial and human experience, we need to create a connection with other human beings (
Business, even conducted online, is all a human experience. Since the dawn of woman, humans have created energetic exchanges to support everyone in having their needs met.
From “I’ll gather and you hunt” to “cup of sugar for cup of flour” and all the way to “I provide X awesome service and you provide me with the material manifestation of energy (aka money)”, business is all about humaning and getting to know, connect with, and serve other humans.
Being a successful business owner means mastering the art of exchange. And exchange only happens through people.
So, all of that being said. You’re here because you’re ready to stop lone wolfing it as an online business owner. And you’re also here because you’d love to allow yourself to receive more support as a business owner (and hopefully as a human).
Now, I’m here to not only support you in this journey of receiving more support (hey, look at you. Letting yourself be supported already!). But also to share some of the common reasons WHY it’s so damn difficult for us to be supported (especially as entrepreneurs).
I wouldn’t be doing my job as a mindset coach if I just have you next steps without supporting you in healing the root of the struggle, right?
So, let’s dive right in and start with the tough sh*t (aka the inner work) as to why it’s sooooo difficult to let yourself be supported even if you keep telling yourself
- but I don’t want to keep going it alone
- I want to create genuine connections with other business owners
- I want to hire support
- I want to be hired to support
- …and more
But somehow, you keep self sabotaging yourself as if your life depends on it.
(Spoiler alert: your subconscious mind thinks it does)
Why It’s So Damn Difficult to Let Yourself Receive Support
When a plant receives all the water, nutritious soil, light, and love that it needs, it flourishes.
Humans are no different.
One of our main responsibilities as conscious human beings is to have our needs met. When we have our needs met (physical, emotional, mental, and energetic), we are supported, nourished, and can go out living as our most fully expressed selves.
It’s one of the core pieces of work that I do with my clients. I’m always asking them “what do you need to be supported so that you can send the outreach emails/book your next clients/do the big, scary thing that you know you need to do to grow/live as your most fully expressed, beautiful self.”
But when it comes to practicing (a) asking for what you need and (b) allowing yourself to receive it, a history of not having your needs met can make that process more “challenging.”
And I say “challenging” with a little bit of enthusiasm because doing this inner work is a part of growing as conscious human being.
So, the first step to evaluating why it’s so damn difficult to let yourself be supported is to evaluate your history of having your needs met. That way, you can see what patterns played out in your life previously (either by your conscious, subconscious, or unwilling choice). Which ultimately empowers you to break patterns that are no longer serving you now.
When it comes to having your needs met, this usually comes back to family healing. To access this, I recommend this journaling prompt:
What was your experience like in having your needs met (physical, emotional, mental, energetic/spiritual) as a child? What did this teach you about having your needs met in those respective areas as an adult?
Write on this for at least 15 minutes, consciously not lifting pen from paper, to see what comes up. This is how we start to access the subconscious mind.
Related: you can read about my personal discoveries on having my emotional needs met in this bare naked (emotionally naked, ya perv) blog post.
Subconscious Reigns When It Comes to Safety
Now, I’ll be honest with you (as I always will be). There’s some tough sh*t that might come up during the previous exercise.
Because a lot of the times, what comes up for us during this type of exercise is that we realize by having a consistent pattern of not having our needs be met, we learned that we aren’t worthy of that being so.
We learn that we aren’t worthy of feeling secure and safe. We learn that we aren’t worthy of taking up space. We learn that we aren’t worthy of being our fully expressed selves.
At least, that’s what the subconscious mind internalizes. And if
It thinks it’s keeping us safe.
Our subconscious mind lives in the reptilian part of the brain; which activates fight/flight/freeze when we’re stressed. This primal response kicks in whenever we are feeling unsafe. And thus, whenever we’re feeling like our needs aren’t being met.
Think money struggles, intense loneliness, feeling like a failure, all the big stressful things.
So when our needs aren’t being met, our subconscious response kicks in and says “anytime you let yourself be supported by other people, they hurt you. So obviously, we can let ourselves be supported. To keep us safe, I’m going to do something to keep us from letting in support.”
Even if your conscious mind is SCREAMING “I need some f*cking help. Like, real help. I can’t do this alone anymore.”
Or sometimes, this will manifest as your subconscious letting you receive support from someone who you know will hurt you and thus, build the evidence file for your subconscious to say “told you we can’t trust anyone. That’s why I had you hire that person who really let you down big time so I could prove that I was right all along.”
…dick move subconscious. But I also recognize that you’re doing your best. And love, accept, and forgive you all the same.
The subconscious mind is almost entirely formed by age six or seven. Which is why it’s so important for us to ask what we learned as a child because that creates our subconscious belief system. And knowing this will help us release the beliefs that we don’t need anymore.
How to Finally Let Yourself Be Supported
Or at least a starter kit. Because it’s really a lifelong journey.
Ok, all that personal, inner work to reiterate what I said at the beginning….
These patterns aren’t serving you anymore.
The subconscious patterns that you developed around having your needs met (or lack thereof) aren’t protecting you and keeping you safe because you aren’t in the same environment in which they were built.
Now, as much as we can say that consciously, the subconscious mind has no capacity for language (also why you can keep saying one thing and doing another). Instead, it communicates through the body, strong imagery, or strong emotion.
So, these are a few starter items to allow yourself be supported and letting your subconscious mind build trust in actually letting that happen.
Also, I want to share that letting yourself be supported has a lot to do with trust. The more you trust yourself and you ability to handle anything and everything that comes your way, the more opportunity, growth, and change you’ll allow into your life (including awesome people and things to support you).
Identify What You Want
While I know that it can be difficult to finally admit that you need help, we have to dig a bit deeper if we truly want to let ourselves be supported. Especially if our subconscious mind is screaming that it’s not safe for us to do so.
To start, we need to get really specific on what that support means, looks like, and feels like.
I ask my clients all the time “but what does that mean/look like” and I’ll be asking you the same question over and over again here.
Journal Prompt: What does it look like for me to be fully supported in the way that I desire so that I can be the best version of myself?
And get SPECIFIC, baby. How much money are you bringing in through your business annually/monthly? What is the energy like around your money relationship?
(If you say, “easy, consistent, stable”, I’m going to ask you…what does that mean? What does that look like practically for money to feel easy and consistent?)
Who’s supporting you in your personal relationships and how? What kind of support do you need from your partner? In your household?
Who’s supporting you in your business? As peers? As coaches/mentors? As employees/contractors?
Explore this with granular level detail and as if the answer would be “yes, of course this is yours” to any request that you make.
Ideally, for each desire, you should be able to answer:
- What does this support look like practically (ex. $10,000+ a month coming in through the business)
- What does this support feel like? (ex. expansive, supportive, consistent, easeful, loving)
- What does it look like for these emotions to be present in this type of support? (ex. I’m booked out 3 months in advance, I receive inquiries every day/week/etc, I receive money daily, etc)
The more specific we are, the easier it is to create the strong imagery and emotion that will rewire your subconscious. And better that we can create goals that will actually provide for your needs versus pursuing goals because everyone says you “should” (and endlessly getting trapped in a void filling loop).
Start Small + Build Evidence to the Contrary
When you explore what your subconscious has to say about receiving support, write out a list of the beliefs it currently holds. For example,
- It’s not safe to be emotionally intimate with people
- You can’t trust your business/life’s work in the hands/hearts of others
- Receiving support means you’re weak
Then, write affirmations that directly contradict those. For example,
- Allowing myself to have emotionally intimate relationships is incredibly rewarding and empowering
- Allowing more people to access my vision lets me impact more people
- Allowing myself to receive support lets
meimpact more people and receive more in my life
- Vulnerability is strength
Then, every day, do one thing to let yourself practice proving these new affirmations right. Like letting you friend pay for your lunch, thanking the person for holding the door open for you in true gratitude and not automated politeness, thanking a particularly helpful person, or whatever way you can let yourself receive small bits of support.
At the end of the day, start a running list of things you’re grateful for and the amazing things that happened/feelings you felt from letting yourself be supported.
If your subconscious kicks in to attack you, the support you received, and trying to prove you wrong, approach it with love.
As we grow, the subconscious feels scared as you expand into unknown territory. So it’ll start acting out, kicking and screaming, and try desperately to keep you where you’re at. Like a hurt, wounded animal backed into a corner.
It’s why with great expansion, we also experience deep contraction.
The more that you can remind your inner child that she’s safe, supported, and loved, the less she’ll try to run the show.
Because at the end of the day, your inner child doesn’t want to run a freakin’ business. She just wants to play and have fun. But when she’s feeling threatened, unsafe, and scared, she’s going to do everything she can to protect herself (ie self sabotage you to try to stay in her definition of “safe”).
Get Mindset Support
For real. Mindset work is tough work and this is exactly the time to hire an expert.
But only if you’re willing to truly trust them, develop an emotional relationship with them, and do the work to grow, not just to make more money in your business.
When it comes to hiring a coach, do exactly what we did at the beginning and get really specific.
In an ideal world, who would you work with, what would you work on, how frequently would you want to be supported, what mediums of support would feel the best, and how do you want to feel in the container with them and at the end of your time working together?
Personally, whenever I got specific on the support that I needed, the right coach/mentor always appeared for me. Investing in myself has always paid off.
And if you’re interested in working together, you can book a complimentary breakthrough session to explore how you’d like to grow, if we’re a divine fit to support your expansion, and if high level mindset work will be most supportive for you at this time.