When we’re feeling blocked financially, it usually stems back to our heart and root chakras. In the modern age, having financial security is an inherent part of emotional and physical safety, security, and belonging.
That’s why when it comes to mindset work around money, it’s almost never actually about the money. It’s about feeling safe, secure, held, and cared for. It’s about feeling worthy of what you desire and worthy of having your physical and emotional needs met. The work that we’re doing in this post is going to go deep into the subconscious and how our inner child learned to feel safe and worthy based on family dynamics.
My beautiful mystic friend, if you’re feeling tight and scarce in your money situation, I want you to know that I hold you in this space. Supporting visionaries through the heaviness and pain of healing money stories and money wounds is one of my deepest purposes on earth.
I see you. I honor you. And I hold you here with me.
I know how scary and unsafe you can feel when your financial situation is unstable. When we’re feeling unsafe, we activate our inner child within our subconscious mind.
When it comes to feeling safe and secure, our inner child is queen of the castle.– Melanie st. clair
And when we’re feeling unsafe, we also activate our fight/flight/freeze response. You might want to start busting ass to do #allthethings to get a quick cash injection. While that might work in the short term, it’s not going to solve the systemic struggle within your subconscious to allow in safety and security.
When you’re feeling financially restricted, unsafe, insecure, and like you can’t gasp for enough air, it’s an incredible opportunity to heal inner wounds related to safety and security.
Often times, this comes back to our childhood and how we learned to belong, receive love, security, and safety. Which is why it’s vital that we do the inner work around familial healing to expand our ability to receive love and security. Otherwise, this is a pattern that will repeat itself over and over because your subconscious is limited in how much you can receive and feel safe.
That being said, I certainly don’t know your family history or your upbringing. And I also don’t want to make you feel too on the spot when it comes to sharing some of the most vulnerable parts of ourselves (especially right here all over this very public blog post).
So, I’m going to share with you some of my experience in healing my familial wounds around love, belonging, safety, and security. Firstly, because I’m familiar with my story (obviously). But secondly, because it can be easier for us to hear another person’s story and allow ourselves to apply the same principles to our own situation without feeling too on the spot or close to home.
If my story resonates with you, I’m also including a few journaling exercises that could be supportive for you to explore on your own.
(Also, if you read this blog post and realize that this is the type of work your soul craves and needs to allow you to expand to the next level, I highly recommend considering working with me inside The Legacy Sisters Mastermind to root, rise, and heal with other visionary women)
The Effect of an Emotionally Scarce Environment on Your Inner Child
Let me start my healing experience with a bit of background on my family dynamic. I also want to share that I deeply love my parents (both sets; I was adopted at 9-months old). And I wouldn’t trade my experience for the world (more on forgiveness and acceptance at the end of this post).
Growing up, I was blessed to have my physical needs cared for. Money wasn’t scarce. My parents were mindful with their spending and were quite responsible with money in the socially conventional way.
I am so fortunate to have grown up in the household that I did. Not only because my physical needs were well provided for, but my parents both grew up lacking safety and security themselves (emotionally and/or physically).
Because of my good fortune, I have the privilege to not just focus on survival and staying safe in the day to day. I’m blessed with the opportunity to pursue my personal enlightenment and self actualization. It’s exactly how I’m able to be so self reflective, coach others in their own journey, and be here writing this blog post to you.
However, even with this good fortune, I still experienced trauma in my childhood.
While my physical needs were well cared for, our family was incredibly scarce emotionally. My mother suffered from depression and anxiety. Raised by a narcissistic mother herself, she carried those wounds of not-enoughness into her adulthood and never had the opportunity to heal her inner child.
My father grew up in a financially scarce household. My beloved grandmother raised four children as a single mom after leaving her alcoholic, abusive husband. All with a third grade education as a second generation immigrant (though she kicked ass and got her GED at 80-years-old). Unfortunately for my dad, he was still exposed to the affects of his father (if not directly, through the influence of his older brothers).
As I grew older, my mother’s mental health worsened. Much of the family attention was devoted to her care in some way, shape, or form.
Now, as a child, attention = love. So, as my mother’s needs grew, the attention that my sister and I received diminished. And soon, we both learned that our value came from making other people feel better; specifically, filling their voids.
The better that we could provide for other people (regardless of the sacrifice it involved for our own needs), the more worthy we were. Our worthiness came from how we made other people feel around us. And we learned to silence our needs; especially emotional ones. Other than outbursts in cries of help to the hospital.
Our skewed belief system around worthiness is one of the reasons that as adults, my sister and I habitually developed relationships (especially with women) that
I also want to share that this isn’t an uncommon experience. So here are a few prompts to help you better understand how your family dynamic affected your perspective on worthiness, safety, and belonging.
money healing Journal Prompts:
What did my family dynamic teach me about safety, belonging, and having my needs met (physical and emotional)?
What happened in my family when I asked for my physical needs to be met? Emotional needs?
How Worthiness Affects Money Blocks
When I started my healing work with money, I found myself saying “it’s not enough; it’ll neve be enough.” And when we’re saying “it’s not enough” (about money, the actions we take, etc), we’re truthfully saying it about ourselves.
Connecting worthiness with releasing money blocks the entire reason that I created the free Money Magnetism mini course.
It was pretty clear to me that one of my primary money blocks was the most common lie that we tell ourselves: I’m not enough.
Back to the heart, right?
While I did a lot of my own healing work around my enoughness, I also knew that there was more to it. I knew that remembering my worthiness is my birthright and lives with me (regardless of how much money I make, what I do, or how I make other people feel) wasn’t the one fix.
(And let’s be honest, I’m going to be working on that shift my whole life as part of this beautiful human experience. I’m totally cool with that.)
What I noticed in my business was that I kept hitting this Upper Limit in terms of income and clients. I’d make a certain amount of money and couldn’t get much higher than that. Or I’d be able to book around the same number of clients, but never actually fill my roster.
Yet, all that I wanted was to receive abundantly. I wanted to feel safe, secure, and supported in this material realm so that I can have the freedom and spaciousness to do my best work and make the greatest impact.
Yet, no matter how much I tried (inner and outer work), I couldn’t break this glass ceiling that my subconscious created for me. Even with loads of enoughness and worthiness work (also probably part of the “gotta do the work to be worthy of the rewards” as a form of hiding behind the inner work…but more on that another time).
Money work always comes back to heart work and believing that we are worthy of what we desire and having our needs met. Here are a few journal prompts to help you better understand how this dynamic plays out in your subconscious.
Money Healing Journal Prompts:
From the earliest memory I can think of, what was the first thing that my relationship with my [mom/dad/significant relative] taught me about my self worth?
What did I feel like I always had to do or who I had to be in order to be good enough in my household?
Breaking the Subconscious Glass Ceiling
(by breaking my belief systems + identity)
As I got deeper and deeper into this healing work, I realized that I needed some space from my parents. So, when my mom invited me out, I thanked her for inviting me and wanting to spend time with me. But requested some space and said that I’d let her know when I was ready.
Phew. I actually sent that text. I was so proud of myself for asking for what I needed emotionally. On the up and up, right?
Then, I started receiving even more messages from her. And while part of me wanted to play victim and say “why is she doing this to me?” I knew that it was a call for me to be more clear in my boundaries and what I was asking for.
So, I explicitly asked for space in our relationship. I said this is the last message that I was going to respond to so that I can honor my own healing work. And said I would let her know when I’m ready to reconnect.
That simple act opened up some old wounds and helped me access deep subconscious around how I felt in my business and with my money situation.
The next 8 hours were emotionally turbulent to say the least. But between allowing myself to be supported by my mastermind sisters, best friend, and spirit, I realized three major things about my Upper Limit to receiving and why I pushed away “success” in the way that I so deeply desired.
One: I was still subconsciously living my life according to my mother’s belief system and happiness.
Even though I’d done a lot of work to consciously not live my life just to make her happy and fill her voids, I was still behaving that way subconsciously.
As I felt these beliefs melt away, I felt like the scaffolding of my entire belief system come crumbling down. It was scary, vulnerable, and left me feeling quite empty. But I also knew that it was time to release this way of being that was no longer serving me. And something better would come take its place.
Two: One of those beliefs that came toppling down was the belief that contentment is greater than happiness and joy.
When I graduated high school, my mom shared a speech at some group event that she didn’t wish me happiness. Because happiness is fleeting and will never last. Instead, she wished that I would be content because that’s a more sustainable positive emotion.
What I heard (and internalized) was that she wished me to live a lukewarm life. Go too big, want too much, be too much, and you’re setting yourself up for massive disappointment and hurt. Since I was carrying her belief systems as my own and her wishes for me as my own (at least subconsciously), I committed to a life of smallness in hopes of pleasing my mom and living according to her view of safety.
Three: Expanding on two, I was afraid that if I allowed myself to be happy, it would be taken from me at any moment.
I could never truly trust happiness, joy, security, or safety to be there for me for an extended amount of time.
When I asked myself why I was afraid of receiving abundantly and working with clients who I loved, I couldn’t articulate it verbally. But I could feel a distinct pain in my chest and tightness in my solar plexus.
Our subconscious mind has no capacity for language like the conscious mind. But it does communicate through body language and emotion.
Through some excavation, I realized that having my emotional needs met as a child was very inconsistent. This inconsistency developed a belief around the permanence in me being cared for. When my parents felt good, I was rewarded with attention and love. When my parents felt bad (whether it was related to me or not), I was punished by having gifts taken away, being shunned, and denied my emotional needs.
While I know my parents always have and always will love me, having my emotional needs met was a conditional experience. And it relied on their fleeting happiness; something I could never control.
So my subconscious developed a belief that feeling safe, secure, worthy, and loved was a conditional experience based on circumstances outside of my control. Better to be perpetually uncomfortable and know what to expect than have it taken away – and thus disempowered and rejected (solar plexus and heart pain).
In having this all come to light, it was so clear to me why I was so comfortable with being uncomfortable. Discomfort was actually safety (according to subconscious) and where I would be accepted and loved.
So for you, back to the age old self-sabotage question, what are you afraid will happen if you actually get everything you want? Here are a few journal prompts to help you explore this.
Money Healing Journal Prompts:
If I allowed myself to receive the stability, safety, security, and success that I desire, what am I afraid would happen?
Do I trust happiness and success to be there for me? What do I think will happen when it shows up in my life?
Forgiving and Releasing to Move Forward
Now, I’m documenting this all to you almost immediately after I moved through this experience. But let me tell you, it was an emotional roller coaster. Loads of crying, feeling so scared and alone, cruel self talk that I hadn’t heard since I was 13, and more.
It’s vital that we say it’s important that we have our needs met – physically and emotionally. We deserve that.
However, if we stipulate on where these come from, we will always be disappointed and frustrated because we can’t control the outside world or other people; only ourselves.
Yes, I wanted to feel loved, held, supported, and accepted by my parents. I wanted to feel safe, secure, seen, and worthy in my me-ness and not just based on my actions or how they felt. I wanted unconditional, eternal love.
But at the end of the day, if I can’t receive that from them, it’s my responsibility to give those exact experiences to myself. In whatever way that I can and am available for.
It means receiving support from my mastermind sisters who are committed to inner work, healing, and expanding as abundant business owners. It means allowing
It means telling my husband that the way we fought triggered me in feeling like I would be emotionally abandoned and shunned like I was so many times as a child. It means asking for what I need and what I want over and over, wherever I need to (be it from myself, spirit, or others I trust), to allow myself to receive it.
I always joke that whenever I work on my mommy issues, I make money out the wazoo. And while I can’t give you a definitive number in terms of what financial abundance is on its way to me (it’s simply too soon), I can say that I feel so free from the shackles that kept me bound to a way of being that it was f*cking time to let go of.
I also realized that I chose this family at a soul level. Source loves me so deeply, unconditionally, and eternally. I believe that my soul chose this family dynamic to experience duality against the lasting love of Source to deepen my appreciation, trust, and gratitude in it.
Everyone is doing their best at any given moment. I love my parents deeply. I forgave them for not providing for me emotionally in the way that I needed. And this allowed me to truly internalize the lessons without holding resentment and frustration. Because trapping myself in a grudge would be of service to no one.
That being said, it’s vital to fully feel, embody, and express those feelings in a safe and healthy environment for you to truly allow yourself to forgive and move forward.
If you’re feeling money scarce, afraid, alone, and not enough, know that you are not alone in this experience. And that this isn’t the time to bust into hustle mode. It’s time for healing.
I hope that in witnessing my healing experience, it’s opened the door for you do some of the work for your own.
Additional Support and Resources
If you’re desiring more support around this type of work, I highly recommend considering joining The Legacy Sisters Mastermind to join a collective of other women, walking the same path, and rising together.
Additionally, here are some other resources that might be supportive in this time for you, friend. Trust me that you are so supported and never alone.